How A ‘Big Girl’ Fell Into A Dirty Gutter In Public

Last week I took myself out. It wasn’t anything epic, it was just me out and about. As the sun-kissed my skin, I couldn’t help but take a few pics. I have to admit I looked like a feast and any random person passing by at that time would have drooled at how good I looked. 

But there was more to what the eyes could see: On my feet were heels so high they made my feet sore. I had only taken three steps from my gate but I was about to bail. I took a moment to question this silly decision to go on a sudden run. 

Who would believe I was out on a morning run with a 5-inches stiletto, makeup on fleek, bump shorts and a crop top? Then again, if I had held on to my better judgment, I wouldn’t be out and about, claiming to be this nonchalant hot girl who jogged with heels on a sunny Monday.

For my amebo pipu, this is the story of how I fell into a gutter.

Last week - the week before this….oh, that makes it 2 weeks ago doesn’t it? Anyways, I was just sitting by my window when I saw a snack pass by. Now, this snack had abs for days and of course, he was shirtless. Men like him are hard to come by. 

But as the gods of bad bele would have it; there I was combing my natural hair, looking like something the cat dragged out the bed. My eyebags were big enough to fit in whatever you can think of. My armpits were unshaved so while combing my hair you could see the dark shade of hair from beneath my open sleeve. 

It just so happened that the moment I decided to weave the back – arms lifted high – was when this man-snack passed by. He didn’t just pass by, but he glanced up. He didn’t just glance up but grimaced after catching sight of me from the wide window above him. I almost screamed from embarrassment! 

I knew he had moved in recently and here he was seeing me for the first time like a madwoman. My mother had warned me several times to look more presentable but I never listened. Now I regret it. I was the replica of a disaster. 

Fast forward to a week later, I decided to take myself out with an ulterior motive. I was going to make sure the man-candy so the reformed me once and for all. I was wearing heels with a wig covering my week-old weave. I didn’t have time to make my hair so the wig had to cover my shame. My makeup was on point too and I had YouTube makeup tutorials to thank for that. The only thing missing was the man-candy. 

It was already 7:02 am and I was several steps away from my house gate when I spotted him. He was judging my way so I quickly picked up the pace. I started jogging in my heels while taking selfies.

Now, this is where I would believe this my stupid action would land me inside the gutter. But no, dear readers, no! This is not what happened. 

Just as man-candy got closer, I raised my hand to wave “Hi”, then a wind from my village blew and carried my wig away. The next thing I knew – reflex happened. I don’t know how it happened but it did. I quickly jumped into the closest gutter I could find. Please, that is where I’m still hiding while typing this. If you find my wig for me, please help me return it so I can walk back home in dignity. 

Meanwhile, kindly share your most embarrassing moment down below! Let us all disgrace ourselves here.